Practicing how to talk to people we may disagree with; April 17, 2025

Fight Division:
Talking Effectively with Others

Quicklinks:

Background

One of the major outcomes of the March 23, 2025 Social Justice Retreat at SFUU was a call from participants to develop the necessary skills to talk with others more effectively. We agreed that people in our community (and our country) need to seek common understandings and counter the process of “divide - isolate - exploit”.

In April, Rise for Freedom (a project of Public Citizen and many other partners, including the UUSJ) began a 9-session training series to engage and recruit more people into the freedom and democracy movement. Each session was presented on-line, but participants were encouraged to gather in-person with others in their communities to view the ‘webinars’ live and participate in the in-depth trainings. The topic of the 4th session of the series was “How to talk to people that you might disagree with,” which perfectly aligned with the input from our retreat! So, the SFUU Social Justice team organized an in-person potluck to join in the training on April 17, 2025 over the dinner hour. During the event we had opportunities to speak with each other, practice talking, and then afterward talked about what we learned and what some next steps might be.

April 17th Training Session

The in-depth training in the live webinar was facilitated by two representatives of Braver Angels: Beth Malow (a neurology physician and science communicator) and Doug Teschner (Regional Director for Braver Angels and a former Republican state legislator from New Hampshire). Together, they are writing a book called Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times.

Here are some of their points:

  • We need to be able to talk with people that we might disagree in order to build a bigger and broader base to defeat authoritarianism.

    • Many at the potluck have been attending protests and both writing and calling their representatives about issues. Moving beyond these actions, carrying on frank, authentic conversations with our family members, neighbors, and others in our community will help bridge divides and build understanding (not just of our positions but also of theirs).

  • Ways that we communicate with others include: in-person conversations, interactions on-line through social media, and signage at rallies.

    • How we frame a conversation has a big impact - does your language invite conversation, or is it in itself divisive?

 

Insulting to some

Invites conversation

 

Reframing our language is an important way to invite conversation

  • Some examples they gave:

  • It can be tempting to assume that people who voted for the current administrations do not agree with you on key issues. That may not be true. To find out, you need to engage in conversation. We need a whole society effort to protect democratic republic.

  • Key principles for good conversations:

    • First connect on a common interest. Develop a connection based on experiences. If you can find a value in common (for example, kids), that’s even better.

    • Listen actively. Show that you heard what they said by acknowledging the point they made. ask follow-up questions to clarify what they said and go deeper. Remember tone of voice and body language.

    • Speak using “I” statements, tell stories, and avoid labels.

Here are Our AHA moments:

  • This was fairly basic information, I wish they had covered this with more depth.

  • It is difficult to have these conversations.

    • breathe!

    • use I statements

    • think before speaking

  • We must find common ground

    • one conversation starter could be: “How is your 401K doing?”

  • We all have the same needs

    • you deserve a world that isn’t lonely.

  • This event tied in nicely with the recent SAGE book reading of: I Never Thought of It that Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times by Monica Guzman

  • Many at this event were not from SFUU, but were welcomed in from the surrounding community - it would be useful to find other organizations that we could partner with

  • Follow-up with more events to work on having fruitful conversations - Val is connecting with someone who might be willing to co-sponsor another event.

    • If you weren’t at this event and you want to receive emails about future events related to this topic, contact Barb Munn.

Resources Offered by Rise for Freedom:

Here is the portion of this webinar that involved the in-depth training for How to Speak with People that We Might Disagree With.